Baby Steps

It's been two weeks now since I brought Britta to the hospital to be admitted for what we thought was Pyloric Stenosis. In some ways, it feels like a life time ago. In others, it feels like time has stood completely still. We've stood patiently by her bedside, jumping every time an alarm went off, wondering what it would mean for her recovery.

She had a little setback yesterday. Her heart rate was too low and her rhythm wasn't right. So, they hooked her up to a pacemaker. They inserted the wires when she had her surgery as a precaution, "just in case," and hadn't had to use them until now. They (WE) are hoping it is just temporary until her heart can further stabilize and learn the correct rhythm. If not, we will deal with it.

It is hard as a total control freak when it comes to my children to be at a place where I have zero control over anything to do with them. There is not really anything that I can do to help Britta right now, other than trust the doctors and their skills and wisdom. I am not able to comfort Hailey when she has a bad day at school, I can't help Liam sort his LEGO's, I can't watch Finny's favorite Dora episode with him. I am forced to stand by and put my faith in others to do all of those things. It's really, really difficult for me.

Today, though, we had a surprise gift. When Chris and I came back from lunch, we were greeted with this amazing sight:

NO tubes down her throat. No machine breathing for her. For the first time in two weeks, my sweet Britta-Cakes was/is breathing on her own!

I am continually amazed by her strength and fight and so, so grateful she is still with us and I am able to call her mine!

So while some days are frustrating, or the set backs hard to take, I will try to remember how far she has come, and how frighteningly close we came to losing our girl, and be thankful she didn't allow that to happen.